personal – Page 2 – Shainne Hostalero

2019 and still a long long way to go

2018 was one hella challenging year for me. The depression, the questionable life, and other challenges. I went to a whirlwind of emotions and workaholism. LOL. I have managed to survive, anyway.

Business was good in 2018, and I hope it continues. I have discovered so many things about myself, too. Things that I did not even notice even way before.

I think that was what reflection can do for you. My experiences are humbling. I was always being reminded to remain simple, get my feet to stay on the ground, and cherish people who want to be part of my life. I have managed to eliminate people who only remember me because they needed something or purely bored and I was the nearest person whom they can bug and willing to entertain. I have had enough. Bahala na kayo sa buhay niyo! Hahaha!

I started 2019 with flu. I thought 2018 would spare me from any form of sickness, but NO. The universe has its own way of reminding me that I am only human and I need rest, too. I worked non-stop for the past year. Mondays to Sundays. It was always discovering new things. It was fun, but you know, tiring.

2019 seems quite good of a year to me. Finally, I can meet my thesis adviser again to have my manuscript re-check and ready for my final defense. I am crossing all my fingers to ace this year with flying colors.

I am working extra hard this year because I want to calibrate my life. Hahaha! You know, I always blame myself for my life choices. I have had so many mistakes in the past. I cannot tweak any of it though, what I can do is to do better in the present and the next. Ganun talaga. You win some, you learn some.

2019 is also big for my friends, too! Some shifted careers, some will have kids, and I (together with other friends) will celebrate their life advancement as I also advance with mine. I have come to know who my real friends are. I have waved goodbye to toxic ones because they are plain toxic. They do not contribute to my growth and like I have said, only remembers me whenever they needed something.

I know that I still have a long looooong way to go and I am nowhere near where I wanted to be, but at least I have taken the first few steps to reach my desired destination.

I am also not thinking of love for this year. It had disappointed me some ways, and I would like to believe that it is the universe saying, ‘slow down.’ Hahaha! BUT, all is good in the hood!

I would not own 2019, and it is not entirely mine, okay? I just like to do better this time around.

Living the Indie Life: 5 Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way

One of the most memorable years of my life are the years I spent living alone, independently. I had the whole time to discover myself, to finally connect with my being, my strengths, and my weaknesses, and to do all the things I want to do without any approval, only myself.

On the other hand, it was sad to be away from family, too, but it was all-happy at the same time. I answer only to myself, who by the way, is not too hard to please, if I may say. I’m not high-maintenance. Simple things drive me.

I had the time to know more what I want in life, what I surely cry about, or what can hurt me. I protected myself at all times because no one can do it for me. Sure, there were a lot of lessons there, trial and errors, too. But with all the lessons I’ve learned, I learned it through the hardest way possible:

1. You are only accountable for yourself, so stop being a baby

My career was sure a whirlwind of an experience. It was ups and downs, and it had mostly downs at some point. I go home every night without someone to ask how my day went. It went on ticking me. It was a sad life, I may say so to myself way back.

But a lot changed when I stopped being a baby and have been more responsible for my actions. It made me learn new things, be with a lot of different people from different creations of living, and it made me know what I was really capable of.

Stop treating it like the world owe you one because, in reality, the world doesn’t owe you anything. It is your duty to make your life wonderful and happy.

2. Value your relationships with people

Since you are living alone and you are far from the people whom you call family, it is best to value even the tiniest relationship with others. I was friends with my landlady, I talked to the security guard down my building, and I was in acquaintance with most of my neighbors. They kept me entertained and feeling alive at all times.

I’ve gone through a lot of phasing out with the people whom cannot serve me well anymore and vice versa. I cut-out toxic people in my life and I couldn’t be any happier to do so. I know they are also happy that I’m already out of their system because I can’t serve them better anymore.

3. Take care of your funds, with all your might

Woohoo! Millennials! Hahaha! Living solo is like living the dream. You are not to answer to anybody but yourself. So, you must, in all might, take care of your funds. I pay my own rent, utilities, food, and everything I need. Imagine how was that stressful for the most part? Haha! But, I’ve learned a lot about money how to actually keep up.

4. Heartbreaks everywhere

I swear that I won’t be in any relationship because I was not ‘that’ person who prefer it. But, that doesn’t mean that I can’t feel anything for someone. Of course, I have gotten my heart broken so many times, reasons may vary, yet… heartbroken.

You are your own confidant and it’s normal if you get your heartbroken from time to time. Don’t ever feel you’re a loser for feeling such pain, it happens. Guarding your heart too much can even lead to more heartbreak you’re sometimes too late to know of.

5. Investing too many emotions can lead to too much pain

It’s true! Sometimes, as women, tend to be more emotional. We cry and feel so much at work and at play that we forget the most important things are. The tendency, we feel so much and by feeling so much it also gives us too much pain.

Feeling emotions can be a form of strength and also a weakness. So, use it wisely.

On cutting my hair and starting a new hobby

This isn’t quite new to me. I started cutting my hair (super) short since last year and started to have various hobbies when I get bored. But, perhaps this one is different because I’m thinking of maintaining it; eventually owning full-time this new things.

And no, I’m not brokenhearted. I’m at a very good state as of the moment.
What I’ve realized is that we do not need a new year to craft something new and we don’t need to be in the trend to do what we actually want.

Hair
I cut my hair because I’m already tired sweeping hairs from my unit’s floor from time to time. I’ve been dyeing my hair for 4 years straight now and it got ridiculously dried up. I’ve thought that maybe my hair need some overhauling and to have it deep black again (my original hair color). It’s easier to manage now though I look like 8 years younger; but it’s good, it’s not going to be obvious if I’m stressed out. It’s true when they say ang gaan ng feeling!

Hobby
I’ve had so many hobbies in the past that I do during my free time; yet, they were so hard to maintain because those are strenuous activities – running, snorkeling, research, travel, among other things. You see they’re quite expensive and ‘tiring’ to do but they’re good to exercise because: 1) physical, 2) active, and 3) it makes me happy. Now, I’m into cross stitching. Haha! I’ve learned how when I was still in high school as part of our Home Economics class. I’ve done some good pieces in the past but didn’t manage to continue on this hobby further because ‘digital age,’ the need to be equipped of all digital and techie stuff had gotten a head on. It was nice by the way, I’ve landed some good job with these acquired skills in the digital scene.

Cross stich nowadays are not in the loop. It’s outdated for many, rewarding for some (like me). The challenge lies when there’s so little cross stitching shops in the Metro, unlike before that there are a lot of it and you can even buy patterns and threads from a nearby bookstore. The challenge of finding good materials for this hobby is real. Good thing there are still some shops in SM North Edsa and of course, the place to be: Recto! Recto offers more affordable pieces and good patterns too.

After all, I’d like to believe that it’s not about the trend that you need to follow (except if you’re geared to business and marketing stuff – which I do for work), it’s more on what you think will make you fulfilled and happy at the end of the day even if it’s really small and way too simple to look at. Happy stitching!

How about this?

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along… as per the lyrics of the song She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. It’s true, though. It’s really not rainbows and butterflies; it’s not always happy and perfect. There will be really times it’s going to be awful, it’s going to irritate you, and probably think to just quit and call it all off. By that time, you have to re-think. You’re just human; maybe quitting can be your resort to end stuff but then think further.

Dude, she told you she’s hard to be with, right? So, you have taken her in and you know the turf. She’s managing your expectations of her. I know, I know, you think highly of her at times, but don’t ever forget that she’s human too. She can be upset, she can be irritating, she can be mad, she can be anything worst she can ever be. She’s entitled to some emotions as much as you.

Maybe you said things you didn’t mean, or things you mean but wanted to take back. Dude, you can’t take back any word you’ve said; especially the words that already stuck into her head and words that made her feel unsecure/insecure of where she is now in your life. I’m telling this to you as a friend. I know her. I know her fully and believe me when I say she’s not emotional, but with you, it’s starting to get so different. Don’t you think it’s a good thing that she’s letting you into her emotions and showing you a part of her even if she knows you’re not going to like it fully? It’s because she doesn’t want to put up a face and pretend that it’s always okay. She’s just trying to be true and more true with you. Leaving her wouldn’t be the best from the options, right? Or, no?

Maybe she’s deserving and maybe she’s not. But she loves you wholeheartedly even if she’s fuming mad at you and/or can’t understand you at times. Have you ever be with someone who wants to battle with time just because she wants to make the most of the awake moments with you? Maybe it’s not your first time to be with a person who’s excited to see you. Maybe there’s someone better at that. Maybe she’s just upset because she planned things and didn’t go her way. She’s upset but definitely it’s not with you. It’s with time.

For the next days, maybe she’ll change; she’ll change temporarily because she’s hurt. Maybe she’ll not going to speak more. Maybe she’s just be quiet and be serious. She’ll sleep with a heavy heart and perhaps you will too. Have patience, that’s what I can say. Do everything to take her back again if she’s still the one you want you need, want, and can’t live without. She’s not easy to be pleased. She’s just hurt. You can say a lot of things to her but don’t threaten her you’ll leave and take it back. Because it will just make her feel unsafe. It will just make her believe that you won’t stick at the hardest of times. If you love her so much like you’ve said and like you’ve known… then make up for your mistakes. And she will make up for hers, I know that.

You know what, we can’t take back our words and our mistakes in general; what we can just do is to make up for it. Hurting someone we love is really awful, I know for sure. Sometimes we really don’t mean it. Sometimes it’s just a spur of the moment. Sometimes we are just caught up by our emotions and we let it overrule us. If you love her, then prove to her you want her in your life; regardless if you’re angry, upset, irritated and on the verge of giving up.

She loves you just as much to get upset with time and her battle for it. She loves you so much that’s why she feel so awful; and that’s why she cried and still crying her heart out. She loves you, you should believe that and hold on to that. Have patience. She loves you even if she does not want to speak with you – she’s just thinking her reaction. She cares for you that’s why she’d rather be quiet and cold than say hurtful things.

Sa UP

Sabado sa UP. Tapos na yung ulan. Pumunta kami sa Vargas Museum. Tahimik dun katulad ng dati. Mas may feels siguro kasi kakatapos lang umulan tapos hapon na rin. Parang bang iba yung pakiramdam. Masayang katahimikan kumbaga. Hindi ko ma-explain eh. Basta.

Madalas ako sa UP dahil sa mga requirements sa Masters at mga ganap na dinadaluhan. Paboritong lugar kung saan pwedeng pulutin ang sarili. Kung saan pwedeng hanapin ang sarili kahit na alam ko naman na wala ang sarili ko dun. Iba lang.

Madalas ako sa UP lalo na pag wasak ako. Wala naman gamot dun para pampawala ng sakit ng nararamdaman pero pag uwi ko galing dun parang okay naman na ako. Hindi na masyadong masakit. Konti nalang. Parang may magic. Parang yakap ng lola ko.

Sabi ko dati ayoko na pumunta lang sa UP at magmuni-muni kapag wasak ako, gusto ko yung masaya ako o yung hindi ako nag-aalala. Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi yun sa sarili ko dati. Sabi ko ayaw ko na ma-hurt bes! Gusto ko pupunta ako dito maligaya ako.

Kung hindi ako pupunta sa UP ng wasak ako, may kasama akong wasak. Ginawa namin therapy ang UP sa mga bagay na hindi na namin kontrol. Same trick – tumakbo at lumakad sa oval. Makikinig sa mga istorya na masakit sa damdamin. Yung parang sana pwede mo din i-share yung feelings parang pizza slice para maubos na. Kaso hindi eh.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko inumpisahan maniwala sa mga ayaw ko na paniwalaan. Hindi ko din alam kung pano hindi mangamba sa mga bagay na ni hindi ko na iniisip sabi ko sa sarili ko. Pero masaya naman ako ngayon. Yung saya na sana masaya na talaga. Nakipagbargain na ako sa universe na sana naman ibalato na ito sa akin dahil tiniis ko naman ang mga power tripping niya dati. Sobra naman na siguro yun. Quota na ako. Pwede na siguro ako mangomisyon.

Ang lawak ng lugar diba noh? Pero gusto kong nakadikit sayo. Ang daming pwedeng makita noh? Pero gusto ko na ikaw lang. Nasaang parte na ba tayo ng mundo? Nasa UP pa rin ba tayo? O langit na ba ‘to?

Gusto kong isipin na naging mabuti at bayani ako sa past life ko para maging masaya ngayon. At dahil kumota ako sa sakit at pighati at may balance pa sakin ang universe, baka ito na nga yun. Period. No erase.

Sabado sa UP. Tapos na yung ulan. Pumunta kami sa Vargas Museum. Tahimik dun katulad ng dati. Pero yung puso ko maingay. Maingay sa saya.

Little Lulu

Our relationship isn’t perfect and probably isn’t the most convenient at all. We’ve gone through some rough patch. Some real rough patch. It was normal and abnormal all simultaneously but I guess it was the way to go. It had to happen to give way to all love, happiness, friendship and all better things.

G. Toengi / Dina Bonnevie levels!
Mommy at Orchard Road, Singapore, 2010

You are one of the coolest people I know, whose temperament is kind of odd but if known better can easily be get along with. I didn’t know that until I have become a older. I grew up distant literally and figuratively and we both know that but I knew you did and still doing your part to make up for some lost years. I say, it’s not yet too late to get to know you and you get to know me. There will always be a good timing, a right time for everything.

I know you aren’t that showy or that cheesy, that’s just how you are and that’s totally fine. But looking at the bigger picture we all know that you are loving, caring, soft and kindhearted in your own unique way.

Today, it is your birthday and I know you’re having fun as always. Growing old is a privilege as they say; and age is just a number we put in all formality documents and the evidence of how much decades we have endured and lived. There’s nothing to feel bad about getting old after all (minsan lang siguro).

We might not always say this to you but you are one of the blessings the Lord has given to cure our boring lives and love us uniquely. It will never be complete if there’s no maldita around town sabi ni Lord. Kailangan daw dalawa tayo. Joke lang! Hahaha! For me, it’s nice to know that we can pull things together now not apart anymore. Distance may have separate but there’s always someone like you still. It’s also nice to have a confidant and a friend who treats more than an acquaintance but get on full load blood especially in the most crucial occurrences – like make-up, shoes, wardrobe, and even romance.

We are two different individuals as supposed. I might have gotten something from you or grew up to be another unique human being but I have full respect to the origin of when you bore me quarter of a life ago at 11:08 PM (that’s what it says in my birth certificate, by the way). I wasn’t able to say thank you for that, so thank you.

I think all the space and time went by fast have honed us to have our own individuality and have helped us understood that more than friends, we are family. More than another buddy, you are my mother.

On your birthday I’d like to wish you happiness and many more of that in all forms; in anything and/or anyone that will make you happy. Thank you for the unique love you give and for your support. I wish you love and all the money in the world!

I love you, Mommy. Happy birthday!

Onto that Ray of Sunshine

I was born on a summer; on an earth day, and considered youngest of the two (2) Hostalero children. I am a daughter to a witty and intelligent mother and to an overall artist father; and a lucky/blessed (understatement) granddaughter to the wonderful grandparents, Luis and Teresita.

I’m a 90s kid who grew up before the internet took over and flash out, who experienced a normal and fun childhood of playing outside with classmates, cousins and neighborhood friends and who made one of the very important life choices of skipping naps in the afternoon. Nostalgic as it may seem, I can reminisce playing and owning it up to Family Computer, PlayStation 1 (until the latest console), Black and White Gameboy to Gameboy Color and a lot of Personal Computer games and Word Arts with a dial-up internet connection among other 90s things. I had a perfect childhood.

Of course, there have been some bumps. Growing up with unusual family setup, smashed heart, failures and rejections, I guess it honed me to be the person who I am today – strong, upright and independent. On love, career/success, and life in general I went to the extremes of happiness, sadness and hurt. I did not have a perfect life but I would not want it any other way. I can say that I probably know some way to get out of some maze, get by, and ace some test.

Part 1: Love
I had my heart broken way too many times. Some I regret, some I let be. Most of it happens to be my choices. I once lost my faith in people because of heartaches caused by infidelities, lies and abuse. I was always the choice that did not make. I was always second best or even third. I was always a secret. I was always not good enough. So then, I gave up. I did not want to admit it to myself that it let me become dense and insensitive and it killed every single hope and love from me and within me someone still deserve.

For years, I closed every door and window of opportunity to attract lovers. I dated a lot but nothing ever got serious. I pretty much enjoyed just knowing people which was a good thing because it made me more grounded and understanding as time went by. I was insensitive and did not pay much attention to other men’s interest or even to the world ending. I was just happy being me – nothing’s hurting, everything in its good disposition but nothing’s ever glamorous like love either.

I was alone for the most times and did not feel the need of needing or wanting someone to share everyday and every night with. I was complete. I am complete. I was happy. I am happy. But I did not thought that I can be more complete and I can be happier.

I was in a beach on Sunday looking at the wonderful sunset thinking to myself that maybe each moment from then on can be happier if I have someone to share my completeness with. I always believe I do not need anybody because I am already contented of what I have. But it occurred to me: what if someone needs me? I then realized that perhaps it would not hurt if you have someone who will ask how your day went or how life is treating you or the other way around. Maybe it is nice if you can be with someone who needs your presence to get better and with that simple gesture make them complete. Maybe it is good to hear their problems and even better to feel that you are the first person they want to share their shenanigans with. So many thoughts from the sunset, right? I was not insensitive after all.

After a few months, then it settled in.

It was a Friday of browsing some social media accounts feeling hopeful that my crush would actually notice me – my ‘intelligent’ posts though quite a bore, puns, and wittiness. It felt like high school all over again. The generation had set in. I’m no longer as young as before and it is no high school nor college at all. This have to get a little serious, you know?

It was a Friday when we get the chance to officially talk. It was also a Friday when we had our first date. It was a Friday when I realized that I really like him and it was the same day I knew that I love him and I am willing to take risk. Any of it. Any for him. I took it.

He is an artist, a quiet man for many, and the center of the solar system for me. He is Ross. There are too many positive adjectives I can associate with him. It is too many to mention.

Ross always makes me feel I mattered even when we are at the lowest point of our relationship. He is the first person I want to begin my day with and the last person I want to end my nights, too. He is beyond what I have asked the Lord for. I am blessed more than lucky. He is more than a missing piece in my jigsaw puzzle.

Ross saw me when I was invisible. I am a flat lay but he made me 3D. I am happy but he made me happier. I am complete but he still made me full. I remembered all the times I said I have given up. I reminisced all the moments I had my heart broken and suffered into pain that I did not expect I will ever survive before. It all came back to me and I am glad everything like those happened. Everything led me to where I am right now; everything where Ross is. It is and will always be true: things fall apart to make way for better things.

Ross gave me so much to remember. He reminded me that I am deserving of such love even though I say I do not want much of it or it is far beyond what I deserve. Now I know why I should hope and why I should have faith and have more it when it gets loose. It is because there is so much love in me that someone still deserves. He deserves all the love in the world because he is loving. He deserves all the goodness in the universe because he is good and even way better than that.

For all the times I felt like there is no hope and my world is ending, I lift myself up and fight once more. But things have changed since Ross went on board as he made every situation lighter, a wall much stronger, a bridge that is less higher, and a hand that holds tighter.

School Spirit

The Sunday had a lot going… especially SM Mall of Asia. It seemed that everyone in Metro Manila was present there because of the multiple events happening all at once – The Best of Anime 2016, Manila International Book Fair and SALE SALE SALE SALE and a lot more SALE.

So, we thought UAAP game is at MOA Arena as well. Or Ross thought. Hahaha! The story was: early last week we have decided to visit Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) on weekend. Ross and his team had an exhibit during the fair that kept him busy the whole week so we are in support of such, we did visit. I had a good time seeing and smelling a lot of books. I’ve never been to heaven but it felt like one. Haha! So… as the weekend was approaching and it’s UAAP season, Ross asked me if I want to watch a UAAP game on Sunday (FEU vs. UE). I said yes. I do. (Which he thought will be in MOA Arena too. I’m not updated about schedules and venues so I didn’t check and I don’t felt the need that I have to. Ross takes good care of things).

We are both so excited because it will be our first time to watch UAAP ‘together,’ we brought our school spirit with us. I wanted to make sure that we will be singing the hymn first in the closing part. FEU should win.

We arrived around 2pm, both extremely hungry and talking about the teams and how matchy matchy we are wearing our FEU shirts with same colored shorts (which we didn’t talk about beforehand, we only talked about the shirt because FEU requires yellow/gold shirt for UAAP games. I also informed him Saturday morning that my FEU shirt is still in the laundry and I have to wash it first. I hand washed it and do all possible tactics I know to let it dry overnight.)

We ate some good burger, fries, and big onion rings. Nom nom nom. Funny thing was we were both so excited to see the game so then we went ahead and started walking towards MOA Arena right after eating. Nothing much about hinga hinga after being so full, we needed to see the game. Then there we were. Doubts have set in. So much of it. There was nobody lining up outside the arena and Ross came to his senses… that MAYBE we’re in the wrong venue. (It was starting to get funny at this point. Haha!)

Hmmm. He checked the ticket and… yes! We are in the wrong venue. Hahaha! The games were set in Araneta Coliseum and not in MOA Arena for that day. Haha! You guys should’ve have seen the look in our faces! We couldn’t stop laughing. Ross was blushing! Hahaha!

Imagine wearing and showing off your school spirit only to find out you’re in the wrong venue?! Hahaha! It was soooooo funny. Probably the funniest thing happened in the last 2 months. Hahaha!

FEU won though. Hooray! Mehehe!

Ross have played it cool and took care of the rest. I couldn’t believe how amazing a person he is and he even apologized to me because I wasn’t able to see the game (and he probably felt guilty because I hand washed the shirt. Haha!) Well, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

The Sunday was perfect. 🙂

UGHust

Home Gardening
shainnehost.vsco.co
instagram.com/shainnehost

August was crazy, a positive crazy may I just say. Actually, what made it kind of special was the decision-making spree that happened.

Work – full-time, part-time, volunteer work, and the rest. Everything turned out great, I guess. And letting go of all things that stressed me out was, I think, the best part of it all. I couldn’t imagine anything special to happen this time around, but I’m expecting for the best, of course. In August, it did come and (I think – well, again) I blew it.

One thing I learned: don’t fret. If it doesn’t feel right then I think it’s okay to let go and move on from it. And I did. I don’t know how many times we must repeat the cycle of moving on and letting go – different aspects and angles – but what’s important is we do it, especially for those things that don’t feel right or don’t serve us some goodness. It varies, yes, and the only person who can weigh things is… yourself.

97% of people might not be in favor of whatever you want to do with your life but make sure that 100% of the time is that you don’t care. Just live. Do whatever you want to do. The truth is, sometimes, we might hurt other people and they might hurt us too, but let it be because that’s the way the story will go; and thus we can’t control everything, we simply have to believe and live.

Drama is everywhere and I don’t have any patience for it – I am sure being able to prove it. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t understand, it’s more on I don’t want to deal with it because I’m not fond of anything hassle (okay, your raising your eyebrows),

Perhaps, this is me starting fresh again. Hahaha! After I reformatted my laptop and lose all my documents and photographs saved and shot from year 2008. Whatta genius! I was able to back up the documents via my Dropbox but I wasn’t able to save all the photos. The consolation might be that I was able to upload some on my Facebook account – I think that could suffice.

So that’s how life would be, reformat if it’s taking too slow now. You might lose some along the way but you can replace it with something new; even better if you’re lucky. People come and go, memories fade, and we are all going to move on whether we like it or not. Let it happen. We can’t control everything.

Thank you, August! I’m ready to say good bye to you.

10 things the past week has brought into me

One afternoon at UP Diliman

It is weekend. I spent it like how I pictured it out on Thursday afternoon, sitting in front of my work computer with a lot of papers on the left side of my desk and a lot more on the right. Goes to show that I’m doing a lot of things, seems to be having fun and thinking a lot of silly things. I’m that enthusiast.

Maybe calling off a weekend night full of beers (when I don’t drink anymore) was the answer. Though, I didn’t intentionally do that. I called off because I have classes to attend to, and I surely don’t want to miss and I can’t afford to miss a single lesson. Now, sitting in front of my laptop, putting my ‘somewhat’ emotions into words and reflecting about the week that has been. Taking on another fun-filled week at work and out-of-town with friends and colleagues, is what currently luring.

Another thing clinging is the fact I recently submitted two articles to be published. To push through, as part of the process, the publication asked me why do I want my written works to be published. I never thought of the deep ‘whys’ because my answers are always: I’m happy writing, to tell stories authorized for me to share by individuals I talked with, share my thoughts, inspire people (even just a little bit) and the like. That for me, those are enough answers. But then, I wondered if I can have a better one. If I could remember it exactly, I answered that I want my voice to be heard as a subsequent answer to the aforementioned reasons. But I think that the publisher and I both know that there was nothing special about my response. The rest was a white blank space.

So while on board to this inescapable thinking spree, it occurred to me some of my happy realizations from the past week that I perhaps I should focus on than to think about that white blank space of my elusive response.

The past week has brought me to thinking about these important reminders, factors, and ideas:

1. Ideas. Ideas. Ideas.
I run ideas, or perhaps my ideas run me. Either way, each idea plays a very important role in our daily lives. Most of the time, I have crazy ones that I bring into life and some turned out to be doable; and if I’m lucky, successful. And there are just some ideas that I nip in the bud before it can get worse, because of overflowing creativity that can derail the real thought or rationale of what I have and need to do at the very first place. The past week taught me to write of all these ideas – crazy or not, boring or not, I should just give chance to these ideas to develop. Who knows, right?

2. Connect and Disconnect
We are now living in the tech-based world and we can’t seem to let go of these connections. It is hard. But then, we need to disconnect (gadgets) to connect (to people, personally) more. Face-to-face encounters are still the best ones.

3. Stand up for what you believe in
I know this long before, not just from the past week, but from before time. But maybe, this past week has taught me to be more firm to what I believe in and go for what I feel like doing. As an activist and an advocate of not just for the youth but for so many other things, to have better understanding of things is what I think I should pursue. Think before speaking up. Think before making a judgment. And if even majority says otherwise, it’s not good enough reason to step down to what you are fighting for. We must stand up for what we believe in.

4. Tell more stories
Tell more stories before you forget them and before your stories forget you.

5. Don’t be too hard on yourself
Sometimes we think that we are serving ourselves right because we are busy and we are on our way to success, improvements and to the pedestal. That happens just sometimes. We must learn how to be efficient enough if we don’t want to see ourselves staying up late in the office; we must go out there, be with people and meet new ones and not be limited to whatever or whoever because we are freakin’ busy making money and proving to the world that “Hey! I would be the next big thing sooner or later. Watch out for it!”

I’m not telling that being the next big thing is wrong. I’m telling that perhaps, we can do it without being too hard on ourselves and that we can enjoy the time outside of our busy career-oriented lives. We need to breathe. Great ideas will come along when we get to talk with other people and reflect on how it is like. Work hard. Play hard (er).

6. End the day with a cup of coffee or favorite food, hobbies, movies; something that makes you happy
No explanations. It just needed to be felt.

7. Don’t ever think that it’s a mistake to over-imagine
Don’t. ever. It will bring you to all wonderful places and to all wonderful thoughts. Just continue.

8. Leave your phone, if you can
See #2.

9. Don’t feel guilty to take the day off
See #5.
Before I file a leave even in my previous jobs, I always feel guilty that I have to. Tendency is, I file a leave and I still go to work. I always felt like I don’t deserve the time off because there’s just so many things needed to accomplish. But I was wrong. Taking the day off can even boost our productivity and can help us re-vision what we want to happen.

10. Go home. Be with family.
Nothing is more rewarding being with your family no matter how crazy they are. A solid laugh, a talk about the current events and issues and other stories are my reasons why I so love coming home. I experienced living independently and I’m glad I did. Living away from my family made me miss them and appreciate them more.

And even if you are living alone, go home to your place, remove your shoes and enjoy the blank spaces. Breathe and reflect. Sleep then on to a new day.