Category: Journal

Since How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) is already uploaded on Netflix (complete 9 seasons!), I’ve decided to give it a go and re-watched it again. It took me way back to my college days when I first completed all episodes and talked about it with my barkada. It was a whole lot of nostalgia and the feels.

Photo from web

I’ve spent almost two weeks re-watching it and dread the remaining ninth season because somehow, I don’t want it to end. Hahaha! It felt like my life has been over and out again, and episode per episode has been nothing but sort-of communicating to me that “look at yo’ life, gurl,” and at the same time, “you’re in a good place now.”

And, no, we don’t hang out at the bar…that much. I’m really not a drinker, so what I do is just eat and tell crappy jokes about the daily commute, the flood, men, women, and anything I can think of. Also, part of those crappy ones are sexual ones – some are gross and some are okay… as per my friends.

I was tagged by numerous photos on social media by a friend. The images were mainly the memories we had in a workplace, where, I must say, contributed to who I am today – as a person, as a marketer, a writer, an educator, a friend, and a human being.

I can’t help but reminisce the past; the time of how we started – all the friendships we built from the ground to up, as well as the rifts and the differences we decided to mature enough to set aside. It was happy, it was sad, it was dramatic, it was fun. It led different emotions and realizations, that up until now if we had the chance, we will go back to it.
But maybe life made us not to go back. Perhaps there is a reason why we cannot change what we did, why we cannot go back to what we have missed, and why we cannot touch what we weren’t able to reach.

I was single for quite long and fooled enough to know that there was love everywhere in every form. I had and still have friends who consider me as part of their family; and some, I know, will even take a bullet for me. The feeling is mutual, by the way.

It may be the end of an era as we all have to separate ways (work wise), and we have to grow without each other, only literally. But, it was not the end of the friendship we took so many tears and blood to build. It was just the beginning of every end, the introduction of every conclusion, and the start of every finish.

As we wave goodbye to the stories of the past, we hold on to the memories that led us where we are right now. As we move on from our lives from there on, we are holding on to the friendships, love, and every exact role we have played in each other’s lives.

The venue can change but not the friendship. The feelings might fade but never the stories and the memories. As we say each other goodbye, we are moving forward to the future in front of us. No matter how sad and hurtful it might be for all of us, we will see a beautiful sun shining the path where we are supposed to be. And, as we yell our last hurray in the place, we say hello to a new beginning; unsure it may be, but with all new feelings and emotions. And perhaps, new friendship, doors, and even windows.

It could be an end or maybe not really. We will be forever grateful for the family we have built, for the moments of pain, and sorrows, and for the happiness and love we all shared.

Thank you for the place we called home.

Before April ends, I would like to thank everyone who took away some moments from their busy day to greet me a happy birthday last Sunday. All the well wishes are so heartwarming, and I felt the love and care that went with it.

My late 20s is serious about changing my life. It was really a roller coaster ride because a part of me does not want to add one more year for the same reason I had – I want to be forever 22. I have some bittersweet realizations turning a year older because do you see the thought of this sentence? A year older, it means adding another 12 months to my life. I am also happy to have another dozen of months to live my life, struggle, and lose some sleep yet again. How exciting, huh. Kidding. I am grateful for my life because I am far lucky I know to have given the most precious gift on earth, and yes, it is now time for me to use it for the better.

I am happy to reunite with some old friends whom I think I could get older with. I am glad to have a supportive family, and I am blessed to have the freedom to pursue my passion and earn from it.

This year would also be my last year in graduate school (hopefully! Praying!). And as I turn to a new year in my life, I would like to exhaust all my efforts to contribute to the betterment of the society because let’s face it, we are part of it and we could never ever escape from it no matter how hard we try. I tried, and it was not a success hence, my efforts and future plans. There is no escaping this life! Here we are!

I am also happy to meet all my professors in the graduate school and learn so much from them. Through them, I felt that I am something more, a little bigger than what I thought of myself.

I am happy to have the privilege to enjoy motherhood and all other blunders along with it. It is excruciating sometimes, yet… ain’t no hood like motherhood!

One good sign of getting older is that I want simpler and more straightforward things in life. I was happy to celebrate my birthday stroller-free and diaper-free to have a full body massage and a foot reflex (very tita!). I was glad to forget all the dieting and other stuff just for a day because I am entitled to feel entitled as hell because it was my birthday.

But, really, I am grateful for another year of life because I could still get to spend it with people I love and cherish, reach my dreams, and dream on some more. I really do not have an idea what I will have or wh I will be next, but I am excited.

Again… thank you, everyone, for all your heartfelt messages. It really means a lot to me.

Love lots,

Shainne

Today, I was able to submit a manuscript. I have been quite thinking about it for a week now and I thought that maybe if I start doing it, then I would have gone to finish it. I did, actually; and it felt good.

When I first decided to start my manuscript, I was so scared. I fear that it will not be as successful as what I want it to be. But, later on, I felt incomplete because I know in myself I’m not trying (not trying hard enough).

Then I started. I penned all the words as it came to me like hot flushes under the scorching hotness of the sun. I let my mind run the letters and the words to form a sentence, a paragraph, and it eventually became a piece.

As of this moment, I’m not in, any way, care about where my manuscript will take me as I know whatever and wherever it will lead me in the days to come, it is already considered as an achievement. Pushing myself to produce one is good enough for me to know that I can.

Following your passion was never easy. Well, at least for me. I quit the corporate world and pushed through with writing and teaching. It was easier said than done, oh but of course. Sometimes, you will think about all the opportunities in the corporate field that you let pass because of your so-called passion. But, at the end of the day, I would sleep soundly at night knowing that I made the right decision.

We are never too old to start something new. We are never too ‘motherly’ to pursue something we always wanted as a child. We are never too ‘scared’ to go with what our heart truly desires.

In whatever it is you may have gone through life or dreaming about something, always go for what will make you feel ‘complete‘ inside. It is you who is solely responsible for your life and your destination.

#UPFight!

I’m getting all emotional facing my last year in graduate school. Currently, I’m on my second to the last semester – my supposedly last semester if it not because of the divided Master’s Thesis (Master’s Thesis 1 and 2). They do not allow overload of the thesis for all apparent reasons. Hehe! But, I’m happy to report that it’s going to be my final year (hopefully! Cross fingers!).

So much had happened while I was enrolled. To tell you honestly, I didn’t have any idea that I would be able to ace grad. school. In fact, it was a long-time dream to enroll but I didn’t get so serious about in until the last quarter of 2015.

I was a busy person (well, until now. I think I’m a lot busier now than I was before). Going to the office, film shooting, writing, and all those sort of stuff got me really occupied. During my free days, I was sleeping or hanging out with friends. I was here, there, and everywhere.

As far as I enjoy my life way back then, it hurled on ups and downs, too. The pressure at work, the stress of coming out with a nice material to write, the left and right engagements, weddings, and babies – by which I didn’t witness half of it on purpose – and of course, graduate school.

I had no idea why I enroll myself and level up on education. But, as the months of grad school gone by, I came to the point of realization that ‘level up’ is always good.

Classes will finally start this coming Saturday, January 27, 2018. The jitters are true as ‘the day’ draw closer.

But, hey! It is exciting. So, let’s go get ’em!

This conversation happened quite a long time ago, mga last year yata. I just like to share because it brings so much fun memories and nakakabwiset ones. Mga tipong nakakagalit, because let’s face it: kapag may nag agrabyado sa kaibigan mo, mas galit ka kesa sakanya.

Friend: Alam mo ba wala pa kaming isang linggong hiwalay ni *name of person* naging sila na pala nung palaka niyang jowa!
F: grabe!
F: nakakaasar
F: Chinat ko si *name of person* kahapon sa sobrang inis ko
F: Tapos pag gising ko, okay na ko.
Me: Sumagot ba?
F: Oo.
F: Ito sabi ko, wait
F: Ang hirap ng naka laptop ha. (chatting using laptop si bakla)
F: di ako sanay
Me: Nakakagigil. Leche. Kaibigan ko din naman si *name of person* pero ang tigas ng sayad niya.
F: Langya ka pag ka break pala natin naging kayo na ni *name of new girl* agad. Wala pa isang linggo grabe ka naman
F: (her reply to me) Kaya nga. Wala man lang respeto diba. Tanginers.
F: (The guy’s reply) Kahit naging kami man agad. Ikaw pa din mahal ko. Tsaka nagkatext lang kami nun. Wala kami definite na monthsary kaya dun nalang inassume sa pagkakatext ulit namin. Mas mahal kita dun. Di ko nga alam kung mahal ko siya. Baka tama ka.
F: *fuming mad* dapat diyan maputulan ng t*t*
F: *fuming mad pa din* bwiset!
Me: Tang*** niya
F: *fuming mad pa din talaga, referring sa kung ano dapat ang puputulin* di naman kalakihan

‘Di naman naputol, gais! At happy na si friend ngayon.

Friend: Nalulungkot ako
Me: Bakit?
Me: Ano ba kinakalungkot mo?
Me: Si *name of person*?
F: Oo
F: Ewan ko affected ako. Kakainis
Me: Sige lang, ganun talaga. Syempre di naman kagad mawawala yun.
F: Hay nako sana pera na lang.
F: Bakit parang di naman siya kina-karma sa mga ginawa niya sakin?
Me: Isipin mo nalang di mo naman deserve yun.
F: Kaya nga. Gold digger kala mo gwapo
F: Napapagod na ko na ganito. Everytime na lang na may ganap sila ng jowa niyang frog [kino-contact niya ako] nasasaktan ako.
Me: You have a good heart. Nasayang lang dun. Hayaan mo, pasasaan pa at magugunaw din ang mundo

‘Di pa rin naman nagugunaw ang mundo pero at least masaya na siya kahit papaano.   

Kuya Denz, this needs a lot of getting used to.

Do you remember?

We were all bunch of college kids roaming around the campus trying to get ourselves together. Busy. Always rattling. Always crashing around – literally and figuratively. Condescending. Fake it ’til you make it.

I was one of those busy students who has everything to do with literally anything. Paper works, rakets, org stuff, council whatever, etc. Name it.

I was one of those running to make it to the next class at the same time having lunch. I’ve gotta squeeze my schedule and eat so I don’t die. I was that kid.

Now, I’m not a kid. In fact, I already have a child. I’m thinking, probably he’d be like me when he grows up.

Isn’t it amazing to think our lives can change in just 24 hours? Parang kailan lang tulog lang ako sa apartment ko. Mag-isa. Solo. Independent. Ngayon, wala na akong tulog. Hindi ako mag-isa. Hindi ako solo. What did I do with sleep for it to leave my entire life (for good)?

I think, despite of everything that changed in my life there’s one thing remained the same: I’m still friends with myself, with who I really am. You see, that’s what happens when you establish a good relationship with someone (even if it means yourself), they do not leave you hanging.

I never sell out myself. Not even once. Or maybe during the time I was so foolish about love? Maybe, noh? But didn’t we all went through that phase even once in our lives?

I don’t know why I’m even penning these words down. Maybe I just like to know if I’m still connected with myself or if I’m still the same person who I think I am from the beginning.

Honestly, so much has changed. I’d like to think it’s for the better.

Gone are the days when I don’t care about anyone’s feelings. I still don’t right now – only to selected people. But see the difference? Before there is no such thing as ‘selected people.’

OR Maybe, I, too, have changed. I’m not the same old girl in my old apartment staring blankly out of the window drinking her 3-in-1 coffee just waiting for the sun to set. I’m not the same old girl in that tiny space wanting to sleep for almost the whole day and eating whatever it is from a convenience store. I’m not the same old petty girl.

I don’t know if I have become better or if I have come to be worse. I’d like to take the former but who knows what it is actually? More than that, I’d like to see how my old world works to know if I had made any goddamn sense.

Nonetheless, through it all… I still like me and I’ll still choose me.
Because if not, who will?

In these challenging times, it is thrice as hard to find time to accept writing projects especially from new clients. Challenging as it may seem, I still find the time and I can still put my glorious multi-tasking talents to good use.

(Taking care of a baby eats more than 70% of my time. 3 hours of sleep is considered a luxury. A 30-minute nap makes me feel my soul has been renewed for another lifetime).

I’m thankful for clients, projects, and new opportunities. And it is always pleasant to read them thoroughly in my email. Nakakakilig. Ganern. But in the light of this undertaking are also projects needed to be turned down SPECIFICALLY the ones for school. THESIS as a perfect example.

I’m a professional writer (apart from my marketing and communication career). As a professional, I sure know my ethics. In the angle, accepting commissioned THESIS is a BIG NO for me.

I’m also a graduate student on top of everything I am right now and I also work on my term papers, researches, and the like. I know how difficult it can be. Iyak-tawa levels. Yet, even with my crazy schedule and a pool of pro writer friends, never ever it crossed my mind to hire someone to do my thesis.

I do not tolerate any mode of lethargy or laziness nor I will support any of its form.

I wish all professional writers and content providers share this same principle. PARA WALANG MGA TAMAD!

Kayo gumawa ng mga thesis niyo. Bahala kayo sa buhay niyo.