Do you remember?

We were all bunch of college kids roaming around the campus trying to get ourselves together. Busy. Always rattling. Always crashing around – literally and figuratively. Condescending. Fake it ’til you make it.

I was one of those busy students who has everything to do with literally anything. Paper works, rakets, org stuff, council whatever, etc. Name it.

I was one of those running to make it to the next class at the same time having lunch. I’ve gotta squeeze my schedule and eat so I don’t die. I was that kid.

Now, I’m not a kid. In fact, I already have a child. I’m thinking, probably he’d be like me when he grows up.

Isn’t it amazing to think our lives can change in just 24 hours? Parang kailan lang tulog lang ako sa apartment ko. Mag-isa. Solo. Independent. Ngayon, wala na akong tulog. Hindi ako mag-isa. Hindi ako solo. What did I do with sleep for it to leave my entire life (for good)?

I think, despite of everything that changed in my life there’s one thing remained the same: I’m still friends with myself, with who I really am. You see, that’s what happens when you establish a good relationship with someone (even if it means yourself), they do not leave you hanging.

I never sell out myself. Not even once. Or maybe during the time I was so foolish about love? Maybe, noh? But didn’t we all went through that phase even once in our lives?

I don’t know why I’m even penning these words down. Maybe I just like to know if I’m still connected with myself or if I’m still the same person who I think I am from the beginning.

Honestly, so much has changed. I’d like to think it’s for the better.

Gone are the days when I don’t care about anyone’s feelings. I still don’t right now – only to selected people. But see the difference? Before there is no such thing as ‘selected people.’

OR Maybe, I, too, have changed. I’m not the same old girl in my old apartment staring blankly out of the window drinking her 3-in-1 coffee just waiting for the sun to set. I’m not the same old girl in that tiny space wanting to sleep for almost the whole day and eating whatever it is from a convenience store. I’m not the same old petty girl.

I don’t know if I have become better or if I have come to be worse. I’d like to take the former but who knows what it is actually? More than that, I’d like to see how my old world works to know if I had made any goddamn sense.

Nonetheless, through it all… I still like me and I’ll still choose me.
Because if not, who will?

Author: shainnehostalero

Shainne Hostalero, MDC is a social entrepreneur (owner and founder of Happy Shift PH), a communication scholar, and a writer.

One thought on “Me”

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