Category: Readings

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Photo from the web

It took me a week to finish Gone Girl. I intended to finish it little by little because a part of me doesn’t want it to end. I’ve seen the movie several times before and I got curious about its printed version. I know that there is always more in the book compared to the movie.

This, I could say, is one of the most gracefully written stories as it leaves you craving for more – parts that you quite expected, but not quite. It leaves you hanging in just the right amount then you flip the pages until you realize you’re done reading yet it doesn’t feel like you’re craving for a better ending. It just about right.

Though I couldn’t remember many quotable quotes, the story really got into me like I was, for some time, part of it, and I could relate to some of the problems or issues Nick and Amy were going through. It is merely loving someone that gets you all crazy and paranoid, and as much as you want it to end, there is no better person you know who can be with you through all stuff. Maybe all love stories are different – some are cool, to begin with, some might sound ordinary, others can give you chagrin, but all of them require work and constantly trying.

You’d be mind blown where relationships can take you and how it can change you. But, just a piece of advice from a tita like me, do not lose yourself in the process. Find someone you can support you and can understand you even if you do not explain yourself that much. Be with someone who you can reflect with, can discipline you, and can help you be to be a better version of yourself.

Love can consume you at most times as it will always be part of who you are. Stop pretending to be someone you are not and start living you. But, you should also be aware of how you can improve yourself, how you can be able to compromise with your partner. Just because you are so self-aware, that does not mean that you are perfect.

You know, I have read and reflected from the book that insecure people tend to be insecure lovers and hurt people hurt people too. Heal. Reflect. Survive. We should all know it by now – that whatever devastating thing got to us in the past that we almost felt like we are going to die, we have survived it.

It has been a year since I last posted about the books I’ve read. This 2020, I will attempt (yet again) to read at least 35-40 books. I used to purchase a lot of books but procrastinate reading them. Maybe, this is the best time to get back to it and perhaps make this objective a priority.

There are so many things you go into when you are reading. It is the chance to learn something new and get lost in a new world. It enables you to widen your vocabulary and get a chance to know some new characters that can influence and even change you.

Photo from bookcoverarchive.com

Kafka on the Shore by one of my favorite authors, Haruki Murakami has led me to different phases of delight, sadness, confusion, and understanding. It has given me a highlight of the reality the fantasy, the combination of the two and how we can possibly intertwine them.

The adventure of the 15-year old Kafka Tamura led me to the end of the book. He’s searched for his origin, the reasons behind his whys and the will to continue to live. Like him, I can also identify with the people who helped him through especially during his confusing time as a teenager.

Like always, I have highlighted in the book the lines or quotes that I can deeply relate with:

Money isn’t like mushrooms in a forest–it doesn’t just pop up on its own, you know.

Basically you gotta go with what you think is right.

This may come in handy if you are confused as to what you should do. To make it easier for you, think about what is right to do then.

No matter how far you run, distance might not solve anything.

Running away from your problems won’t solve it. Learn to face your fears and confront some of your demons. If it helps, choose your battle.

When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in.

Your challenges in life can teach you and can change you. At the end of each battle, you’ll never be the same person anymore. And I hope it will change you for the better – stronger, wiser, and compassionate.

In traveling, a companion, in life, compassion.

This new year, I hope you are more compassionate to people and even things.

It’s easy to forget things you don’t need anymore.

Sad but true.

Whether you’re smart or dumb, can read or can’t, whether you’ve got a shadow or not, once the time comes, everybody passes on.

Make your life count, because our lives end with our deaths. It could be too short. Who knows.

Silence, I discover, is something you can actually hear.

When someone is trying very hard to get something, they don’t. And when they’re running away from something as hard as they can, it usually catches up with them.

Indeed, perhaps we can try to reverse-psych the Universe, eh?

Tolstoy said. Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story.

Kafka, in everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in a very few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.

Individual errors in judgment can usually be corrected. As long as you have the courage to admit mistakes, things can be turned around.

Courage is also admitting our mistakes. We can change the course of our lives if we can make peace with our lapses.

Intolerant, narrow minds with no imagination are like parasites that transform the host, change form, and continue to thrive.

Being bright has nothing to do with it. What matters is that you see things with your own eyes.

If you try to use your head to think about things, people don’t want to have anything to do with you.

Hello there, smart-shamers.

“The people who work hard, who earn their bread through the sweat of their brow, those are the proletariat. On the other hand, you’ve got your guys who sit on their duffs, not lifting a finger, giving orders to other people and getting a hundred times my salary. Those are your capitalists.”

“Things change every day, Mr. Nakata. With each new dawn, it’s not the same world as the day before. And you’re not the same person you were either.”

 Man doesn’t choose fate. Fate chooses man.

Be kind to yourself and blame it less this year.

People are drawn deeper into tragedy not by their defects but by their virtues.

Everything in life is metaphor.

“You can’t use that strength as a protective wall around you. There’s always going to be something stronger that can overcome your fortress. At least in principle. “

“Strength itself becomes your morality.”

Good things never grow old.

“The world would be a real mess if everybody was a genius. A world full of geniuses would have a significant problems.”

In case you are wondering why there are a lot of stupid people.

We all die and disappear, but that’s because the mechanism of the world itself is built on destruction and loss.

“Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.”

“but until things happen, they haven’t happened. And often things aren’t what they seem.”

The longer people live, the more they learn to distinguish what’s important from what’s not.

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”

Good things don’t last forever.

Things happen. You just got to hang in there.

Don’t worry too much.

“I want you to remember me. If you remember me, then I don’t care if everybody else forgets.”

“Every one of us is losing something precious to us.” “Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive.”

 

Translated from Japanese by Philip Gabriel and Ted Goosen

Part of my 2018 resolutions and goals is to back to reading, especially the ones that have been stuck in my shelves for quite a long time now. I don’t spend much my money buying clothes, shoes, makeup, and the like; instead, like a real adult, I spend it paying grad school tuition fees (huhuhu hahaha), insurance, business supplies, raw materials, and BOOKS.

The first book I’ve read this 2018 was Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan which I still have to share with you here. But, to be honest, it is already August (September) and it is just a few days ago that I’ve finished reading another, Men Without Women by my favorite author, Haruki Murakami.

The book is also a shadow of what we all have felt inside of us, maybe once or twice. Gaining new stories, having a partner, losing one, getting our hearts broken, and moving on from there. We all have been there. Like the usual Murakami creation, it is full of many realizations and quotes that we have said to ourselves or to another person once or twice in our lives.

Some of the lines I can relate with are:

In every situation, knowledge is better than ignorance. However agonizing, it was necessary to confront the facts. Only through knowing could a person become strong.

We may have been in denial on what we feel or what was truly in front of us because we don’t want to admit to ourselves that we have failed on the aspect of our life. Yet, it is always better to know the truth no matter how devastating. In that way, we can learn lessons and become the better versions of ourselves.

Can any of us ever perfectly understand another person? However much we love them?

Sometimes, even if we love a person so much, there are aspects about them that we can’t still understand. I think we must all be aware that we are all different and there are still secrets we can keep to ourselves even in a perfectly open-minded relationship.

I don’t think we can ever understand all that a woman is thinking… no matter who that woman may be.

Every woman is complicated and has her own unique quirks and that’s what makes them really special.

So in the end maybe that’s the challenge: to look inside your heart as perceptively and seriously as you can, and to make peace with what you can find there. If we hope to truly see another person, we have to start within ourselves.

Sometimes, the enemy that we have and the truth that we are seeking is just within ourselves; we just have to look within us and re-connect with it.

“Why did you break it off so suddenly?”
“Because there was no need to keep acting.”

 “It might be better to our separate ways for a while, and if we find out that we really can’t get along without each other then we get back together.”

If you don’t know what you’re looking for, it’s not easy to look for it.

Before you seek anything in life, know first what you are seeking and why you seek for it. There are finite ways you can be in trouble if you don’t decide on what you want in this life.

It’s your life. You should do what you want and forget about what other people think.

One of the greatest mistakes we make in life is caring too much about what other people think of us. It limits us from going after what we want and knowing our full potential. We always seek for validation and approval and in return, people mess up with us even after all the sacrifices we made.

As time passes, memory, inevitably, reconstitute itself.

There are certain joy and sorrow when we reminisce about the past.

Music has that power to revive memories, sometimes so intensely that they hurt.

Have you ever tried to have a song for a person and everytime you hear that song, it pains you because it reminds him/her of you?

No one knows what kind of dreams tomorrow will bring.

We are not sure about tomorrows, we only have today.
Three pieces of advice:
1. Take your time and don’t force things
2. Don’t fall into predictable patterns
3. When do you have time to live, make sure to keep it simple

As long  as it all makes sense, no matter how deep you fall, you should be able to pull yourself together again.

There is still hope and this life has a lot to offer, no matter how heartbreaking things are at times.

Writing things down is an effective method of not forgetting.

This is why I write.

Life is strange, isn’t? You can totally entranced by the glow of something one minute, be willing to sacrifice everything to make it yours, but then a little time passes, or your perspective changes a bit, and all of a sudden you’re shocked at how faded it appears.

Because everything in life is temporary, even what we feel right now.

Memories can be helpful.

They are not the things that don’t change over time and we can always go back to them, but not live in them.

It’s strange, isn’t? Everything is blowing up around us, but there are still those who care about a broken lock, and others who are dutiful enough to try to fix it… But maybe that’s the way it should be. Maybe working on the little things as dutifully and honestly as we can is how we stay sane when the world is falling apart.

If you think someone enough, you’re sure to meet them again.

Photo from web

It’s been quite sometime since I shared a good read. I’ve been busy with a lot lately – family, motherhood, pregnancy, work, cooking, and studies. I’m currently finishing Crazy Rich Asians though which I’d like to share to you very very soon. Or perhaps share a new read that will benefit all of us.

Talking Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life (2015) by Mark Goulston is a very timely read today. We experience a lot of encounters towards irrational and impossible people that sometimes we cannot seem to quit because… 1.) they are our workmates/classmates/colleagues, 2.) they are family and/or acquaintance, and 3.) they simply exist for all valid reasons even though they are a bit off sometimes (or most of the time?)

Sometimes, we are the ones who are irrational and impossible. I think we all have our ‘days.’ We are not always okay to be with. Yet, we (personally, I) strive to be okay which makes a lot of difference.

I’ve been with a lot of people in my life – from the academe, corporate field, NGOs, friends, and so on. Even distant relatives who think they know you from head to foot and will judge you why you don’t have a kid yet, why you are not married yet, why your life is like this, like that, why you can’t be like this and like that, so much more than you can take. It usually happens during reunions! Whatta culture! Hahaha!

I’m blessed with a family that is not judgmental at any cost. They are okay on what you are okay with. They will advice you when there’s a need to. But most of those advice aren’t unsolicited. They respect your privacy and personal life outside of the family; well, as long as you know your boundaries and know what’s right from what’s wrong.

But, of course, I have my fair share of dealing with the contrary. Previous workmates and bosses who think they are above everyone else, entitled kids and teenagers who wants you to know they own the world you are living in, and toxic acquaintances whom you see as ‘friends.’

So, to keep our grounds and sanity. Here’s the thing to remember according to Mark Goulston,:

Accept that everyone – even yourself – can sometimes act or simple be a little CRAZY. 

According to him, even the most seemingly rational people have their ‘moments’ when they’re surprised by their own irrationality. So relax and enjoy the movie.

CRAZY refers to the irrational behavior which can manifest in a few ways:

I made a little figure for this so it is easier to remember and resonate…

 

Acknowledge your own issues is an important step in dealing with other crazy people.

The world and its people is already crazy as it is. So be crazy.. a crazy good.

Don’t try to argue. Arguing never helps.

Hehe. We all have our arguments with people – whether intelligent of stupid. Arguments usually happen in every relationship and I swear, couple can fight about the pettiest of things. But how you deal with makes a lot of difference.

We all had crazy exes. So crazy that they always got into our nerves when we were still in a relationship with them. Ever had an argument that never stop? The kind of argument when your former partner/partner calls you in the office landline just to argue and make his/her point? Sure thing, it drives you nuts. Better let go that toxic person then.

Maturity doesn’t come with age. Whether the person is older than you for a few or drastic amount of years, if he or she is not mature enough, he/she is just going to be a burden in your life. Tap yourself on the back for not arguing back and not answering to any provocation. And give yourself the highest of five if you were able to completely eliminate that person. You don’t need that kind of negativity in yo’ life.

Choose your battles… Choose them wisely.

Individuals who didn’t receive enough love while young tend to be more pessimistic.

This is the reason why I double or triple time in motherhood. I want to give my children enough love because I don’t want them to cause me headaches by being so nega in life (and eventually other people, soon. I don’t want them to also sacrifice their sanity just because something had lack). I love a happy and bright home. And I always strive to create and maintain one.

We are all toxic and crazy at some point. That’s the reality. But in order to keep our own sanity and other’s sanity as well, let’s tend to be responsible individuals and manage our feelings. In this way, we can create a better, safer, and less stressful place for everyone.

Dollars and Sex: How Economics Influences Sex and Love by Dr. Marina Adshade

Reading through the contents of the book Dollars and Sex: How Economics Influences Sex and Love by Dr. Marina Adshade brings me a realistic point of view on how the majority are perceiving relationships these days.

As a marketing professional who have been exposed to economics and had the chance to teach it too, I agree with the points of the book, objectively. But on the touch points, there are subjective fields to consider as well and thus, I know it varies from one person to another.

Herein below are the points of the author and my views as we go along:

In many societies, liberal views on female sexuality have led to more freedom.

Philippines, I think, is starting to be one of those societies. Our values are conservative and female are expected to be homemakers. But as we rise and go around industrialization and adopting how other society does it, we become more open and accepting on how female can be like. There’s equality for each and everyone. Morale is still very much valued and applauded; thus, we still go around maintaining that. What I’m just saying is we just become more open-minded.

Today’s educated and independent women are more promiscuous than those of previous generations and there’s an interesting economic explanation. The women today can afford to be promiscuous.  

Subjectively speaking, some might see this as a decline in morality yet objectively, it is not. There are a lot of things to consider and there will be debates about this. Nonetheless, the respect of the society to each and everyone has been very uplifting. Women today are more educated and independent than the women of generations ago – objectively comparing. Their status can afford their doings and they are their own subject of things.

One good example I could think is Mocha Uson. There are bashers around and I personally don’t applaud her that much but my view has something to do with how she is at the present and not how she was in her past. She was a sexy dancer, sexier than we could all imagine and has an image of being promiscuous; yet she has changed the way how people shall look at her. She has gone to be a blogger whose concern is more on the ‘improvement’ of the society and a lot more with her personal advocacy. Her purpose has been considered bigger.

Since the average educated woman earns much more now than she would have a generation ago, she is in a position to raise a child on her own if she so desires. 

Being a single mother is no longer a big issue and thus there are laws protecting them now. A single mother can raise her child on her own because she is educated and therefore can land jobs that can sustain herself and her child. Not only that single mother today are well-educated but they are sure considered mentally and emotionally strong to maintain and uphold proudly being a single mother. She’s equipped with her own virtue, values and resources. With that being said, women today are better able to cope with difficulties that often accompany an unexpected pregnancy.

There were points regarding marriages, divorces, relationships and the like. By which, all reflect that more than love, relationships are merely decisions by two parties to make it work. I know a lot of people who have cheated on, and to an extent, cheated. There were reasons behind it, but as I have observed those reasons were self-centered and haven’t reviewed thoroughly. Regardless of the reasons, it affects not only the mental and emotional state of the so-called family but of the economic and civil statutes we have in the society.

Men and women have considered equal and independent; and as we go on towards this generation, open-mindedness and new cultural perceptions will inevitably prevail.

By Emma Seppala, PhD

The Happiness Track Photo from Web

Most people, when asked what do they want in life would answer: success, love, money, and happiness. Not all successes in life can coincide to happiness; yet, doing everything th
at makes us happy – no matter how small – can bring success.

In the book The Happiness Track by Emma Seppala, PhD, she discussed great things that will help us go around our happiness and success – absorbing the moment, reducing our stress, and teaching us how to live a life (or getting a ‘life’ in case we don’t have one).

We focus too much on the future, but we can train ourselves to remain in the present moment.

• Focusing on the future reduces your attention in the present moment, making you more likely to miss significant things that are happening now.

Have you ever tied yourself to work thinking about all the things you planned and the person you want to be five years from now? I have. I was quite a workaholic – having a stable job right there and having other part time jobs on the side. I want to earn money as quick as possible, and more than that I want to gain so many experience in life because I want to be a somebody in the future. All good things are coming but I started to miss out significant things in my life – family gatherings, birthday parties of friends dear to me, causes I wanted to support ever since, so on and so forth. It was sad that I had to miss out on all these before I finally realize that, oh hell, I’m really missing out on all the important stuff in my life right now.

• Forget about the belief that multi-tasking is efficient; it isn’t.

Before at work, I always multi-task. I have to do this, and I have to do that. It made me feel that I will be more productive if I’ll do more. But NO. It just made me hate my gut by doing everything all at once that the quality of it suffers. It is true that we can’t multi-task; and if we can, it is encouraged not to. This is so we can actually save more time; less revising, more time doing another task. And to also give a certain thing or a certain person our undivided attention.

All success-driven activities we have planned and currently doing are stressful, believe it or not. Though we love doing it, it gives even a little pinch of stress to our lives and that one is inevitable. One thing I learned in my career is that stress is a part of me that will never ever ever take away from me (like how Katy Perry sings it). It is always grace under pressure and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Thank you.

Kidding aside, the book also walk me through reducing stress and identifying burnout – where it from, what it did, and how it doesn’t love me at all.

The best way to reduce stress is through the body, by learning how to breath properly. 

• Have you ever been told to “just relax” when you’re stressed out? It probably didn’t feel very useful.

Put your hands up! This is the reason why I don’t tell people who are stressed to relax because I know they can’t as much as I can’t too. My fiance is a serial “just relax,” “relax ka lang diyan” person and I always tell him that I can’t relax, I won’t relax (at the moment), and I couldn’t relax (at the moment). His presence is very helpful but whenever I am being told to “just relax” when I’m on my way to crying and sloping is not useful. It gives my cells and other receptors more convincing power to be stressed more and panic. Crazy science, don’t you think?

• Research shows that attempting to control or suppress a thought or feeling when you are stressed only makes the problem loom larger in your psyche.
•  Suppression can lower self-esteem, increase negative emotions and worsen memory over the long term.

Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I was quite of a suppresser and I was, for the longest time, not confrontational. I don’t sweat the small stuff and I don’t like to crafting a small piece to a bigger one. Only God can do that. But as the moments went on and on, my psyche was kind of telling me to “notice me, notice me,” and I felt like every thought I suppressed were scratching my temples wanting to come out and to be heard. And it is true, it only makes the problem bigger. So I say, if you can, say it and just let it out.

Burnout happens when we worry too much, exhausting our minds and nerves. 

3 main ways to exhaust your mind:

1. Experiencing extreme emotional highs or lows.
2. Trying to exercise self-control all the time.
3.  Constantly worry

Are you a worrier? If yes, then it’s now time to stop that game and move on to another happy one. This is because you take yourself seriously. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that because if you don’t take yourself seriously, who will? I say don’t be “too” serious that you forget how to live Being worry-free is easier said than done. We all have to worry about a thing or two in our lives especially if we are ~adults~. We can’t run away from adulting yet we can do something about to let our feelings out to prevent burnout. Try to divert you attention, have a new hobby, pursue your interests, play video games, and watch some good feel films that can help easing out your mood.

There is no secret formula to a happy life. Everything is out there and we just need to re-visit some from time to time.

The Good Read:      The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

When I was a kid, I had lots of goals and dreams. I wanted to be a teacher, a businesswoman, a wife and a mother living in a cute house with a flower garden, has swing and has a library of my favorite books. It sounds ordinary, I know.

I was dreaming of that when I was 6 and now I’m in my 20s and those ‘mini’ dreams, I say, aren’t starting to be visible just yet. I’m not yet a teacher. I’m not yet a businesswoman. And I’m definitely not yet a wife and a mother that lives in a cute house with a flower garden that has swing and library of my favorite books. And, this is the time I know that my dreams don’t sound and seem ordinary.

Despite not having the aforementioned things at hand, I’m happy. There are just so many things I am lucky to have and these are all treasures that I won’t trade for anything. I’ve lost some along the way, of course; but I’ve gained some, too – things and people I didn’t expect. And that was the time I’ve realized that things fall apart to make way for better things, and I  couldn’t be any happier.

The Alchemist made me realized to take all the opportunities and chances available and I must not fear anything because it is the will of the world; the will of the Lord. That faith is something we must carry, the faith and love coincides in our hearts for us to feel and hear.

Here are some of the quotes from the book that I can relate to:

When you want something, the whole universe conspires to help you.

I think this works for almost everyone of us. Though, some might say that they wanted something but they can’t have it even after they have done everything to achieve it. With this, I think, the universe also knows what’s best for us. If it’s not best for us, no matter how badly we want it, the universe won’t give it. Remember that when a door closes, a new one opens.

It is the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary; only wise men are able to understand them.

Who doesn’t want money? Who doesn’t want all the material things in this world? As we grow older, we realize that simple things are the ones that can made us and not huge packs of treasures and gifts. Wise men are able to understand, and I hope that as we grow older… we also get wiser.

Everyone seems to have an idea how other people should run their lives, but none about his or her. 

Yes? We are too focused about somebody else’s life, what’s best for him or her, what he or she must do but we never are focused to what we should be doing to make ourselves better. Judgment – we are good at judging people, and in this context, bad judgment. We judge them by how they look, their status in life, their abilities and skills without looking at ourselves first and foremost.

That at certain points in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest life. 

As I go along the path I’m taking, which if I were to ask few years ago – I might say I’m not sure of. But now, I think I am, for I always believe that we always have a choice and that we are the answer to our deepest questions.

There is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe.

And we must make the right choices… to listen to our hearts and do things that we are bound to do and have faith.

People learn early in their lives what is their reason for being.

That, maybe sometimes, we don’t acknowledge at the very first take. But we know.

If you start out by promising  what you don’t have yet, you’ll lose your desire to work toward getting it. 

Quite the same with the idiom ‘don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.’ You must have that something before you are able to give it. And, in cases, you must work hard first before claiming anything. In this way, you humbly working towards your goal.

Something we have accustomed vs. Something we wanted to have

Sometimes, we don’t pursue our dreams because we feel like we are good at where we are now. We tend to forget our goals because we are used to of having everything upfront at the moment. But then, it leaves us all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could have beens.’ If something is rightfully meant for us, I guess, it will be with us no matter how long we explore the things we wanted to achieve at the first place. We don’t know yet what’s going be there unless we look for it. We always don’t know unless we try.

The principle of favorability: when you play cards the first time, you are almost sure to win. Beginner’s luck. 

Beginner’s luck.

You must always know what is that you want. 

Remember the time when you are changing jobs from one to another? Breaking up with partners and going on looking for the next one? Remember the time when you don’t know what and who it is that will make you happy? It is because you don’t know what you want. When you already know, I think, it will be a lot easier for you to achieve your goals and dreams in life. And that’s what we all have to practice.

Every blessing ignored becomes a curse. 

When we were not able to acknowledge that things around us and when we were not able to take the opportunities in front of us, it all became regrets afterwards. Life is too short to have so many regrets.

Never stop dreaming.

Never.

People need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want.

As per the book, “we are afraid of losing what we have, whether it’s our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and history of the world were written by the same hand.”

 

Once you get into the desert there’s no going back. And when you can’t go back, you have to only worry about the best way to move forward.

There’s no going back. Always move forward. And perhaps, the universe could reward you a new hello.

Q: Why do they make things so complicated?

A: So that those who have the responsibility for understanding can understand. 

 

If you can always concentrate on the present, you’ll be a happy man. 

I could attest. To fully reiterate, I had lapses to. Maybe at work, family, friendships or even relationships. But those shortcomings won’t be erased if I won’t do something to make up for it. Before, I always think the best move I should have done, the best words I should have said, and the best way I should have taken. These were the things that stressed me out for several months. And then I learned to concentrate on the present and to let go all of these what ifs, move forward and make the most out of what I have as of the moment… I couldn’t be any happier. Of course, we hope for the best maybe because men always live their lives based on the future.

 

To die tomorrow  was no worse than dying on any other day.

So live everyday like it is your last day.

It’s not what enters men’s mouth that’s evil. It’s what comes out from their mouths that is. 

Always mind your words, for your words will mind.

Life attracts life.

Live it. Be happy so we can attract happiness too.

One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving. 

Unconditional love it is. We all deserve all the love in the world. So if ever someone makes you rethink your worth, the exit door is open. Try to exit now. It should be given freely and it should not be conditional. And if by any chance you take on your own conditions of loving someone, set that someone free, don’t hurt him or her for we all deserve love and happiness.

Wherever you heart is, that is where you find your treasure. 

Look within you. Because you will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what is is going to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.

People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them.

We deserve it. We must push through it.

When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.

Sad but true.

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure

When it comes to pursuing our dreams, more than anything, we feel scared because we aren’t confident enough to face and we are so afraid to fail. Failures are blessings in disguise, we’ll never know what goodness it can bring to us. We always don’t know unless we try.

When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

Strive for greatness. The world needs that.

Everything that happens once can never happen again . But everything that happens twice will surely happen the third time. 

Remember your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you way too many times that you have forgiven way too many times too? Why did it happen way too many times at the very first place? Because everything that happens twice will surely happen the third time… and so forth.

What  good is money to you if you’re going to die? It’s not often that money can save someone’s life.

Money, today, is essential but it shall not be our everything.

Bossypants by Tina Fey (c) Shainne Hostalero

The Good Read:  Bossypants by Tina Fey

Truth be told: Tina Fey is my favorite… In all her ways as a writer, an artist, an actor, a producer, a wife and a mother. I see the humor arise whenever I get to see her writings, her stints, guesting and hosting gigs (well, of course, on publications and on TV only.)

When the book Bossypants was recently out, the first published of it was on a blue hard-bound book. I was then a student, third year in college to be more specific. I went to a bookstore – a bookstore where you can read books even if you don’t have any intention of buying them; a bookstore where no one’s going to reprimand you for being such a freeloader. Hahaha! I swear, I’ve finished lots of good reads there. I was just a student and the books that I was interested about were the books that cost more than my weekly allowance. In other words, I couldn’t afford. So, what happened was I made it a point to swing by and read the books I like there until I’m done with all the chapters. (I’m sorry book authors/writers, I know you’re about making profit too. Now that I (somehow) can afford, I can purchase all your masterpieces.)

In lieu, I finished reading Bossypants long long ago. It took me four (4) weekends to flip and turn the pages of its hard-bound version. I really fell in love with the book. I remember laughing out loud inside that bookstore while reading. It was really awkward. It was quiet, everyone was reading and browsing silently then someone (who didn’t have any intention to buy… wait, I have all the intention to buy but I just can’t afford it during that time. Remember the Ability vs. Willingness analogy?) will laugh that loud. I was sorry. I couldn’t resist.

Jumping to the most recent, three (3) weeks ago I finally bought Bossypants! I bought it along The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho that I will soon share with you too. I couldn’t find the hard-bound version of Bossypants anymore. Well, beforehand, I tried looking for the e-book version. Old school that I am, I still prefer the real book maybe because I love flipping the pages and I really like the smell of it.

For most part of my reading, I always smile and laugh whenever I could come across something funny and I nod each time if something really makes sense to me – most specifically if that part is something I have experienced or experiencing as well. Let me share to you my favorite pieces of Tina Fey’s mind:

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

– Thanks for this Tina Fey! It’s always a good advice to give and it is something really doable.

I’m the kind of person who likes to feel like part of a community. I will make strange bedfellows rather than have no bedfellows.

– Exactly.

Now, obviously in real life you’re not always going to agree with everything everyone says. Put the rule of agreement reminds you to “respect what your partner has created.”

And to at least start from an open-minded place. Start with a yes and see where that takes you.

There are no mistakes, only opportunities.

– This helped me get through tough times.

 Bossypants Lesson #183: You can’t boss people around if they don’t really care.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty: “Who cares?”

– Confidence is key, and their opinions? INVALID.

You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go.

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good.

Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

– One for the books! How timely it is! Hahaha! Noted with thanks, Tina.

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions. Go “Over! Under! Through!” and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

Publicity and press junkets are just part of the job. Your work is what you really care about because you work is your craft and your craft is your art. 

– This moved me.

Technology doesn’t move backward. No society has ever de-industrialized. Which is why we’ll never turn back from Photoshop – and why the economic collapse of China is going to be the death of us all.

Sometimes if you have a difficult decision to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.

Dearest Tina Fey,

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Shainne

The Good Read:             For One More Day by Mitch Albom

In this life, how often would regret things that you have done before? How often would you think stuff that occurred, circumstances that you thought would turn out nice but it didn’t, situations that would have gone better if you just made the right decisions? At times, we have thought about these and just like any given times, we have wished to make these right, though it wouldn’t be possible; then we wished to make up for it.

Photo from the web

Charles Benetto is the same. He had no idea how his life went on. What remained clear was his willingness and eagerness to end his life after all the turmoil in his career, personal life and his family. He couldn’t take back things but he was able to go back. Not to change anything but to realize what had happened to his life, the things he missed and how people around him went on while he remained stuck in the moment wanting to be dead.

Like many of us, we have emotions. Some we wouldn’t want to shout in the open and some that we want to voice out but nobody would dare to hear. That’s how it works, actually. We are humans, we have weaknesses and we seldom think to give up everything.

Situations, especially the bad ones can make us strong or stronger. It all teach us a lesson and make us realize that we have to make way for better things to happen.

We want a chance to go back on how it used to be. A chance to see how it will be like when we have done a different thing from what was once executed. A chance to keep all the things and people we have lost. A chance to see how today will go if we have fought for something before.

Truth is, we all have fought for something, though we might have a different run from what process we think of now, but we have fought for that something (or perhaps, someone). It was never really gone. It was never really nothing.

When someone is in your heart, they’re never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times.

There is everything you know and there is everything that happens. When the two do not line up, you make a choice.

That’s the thing when your parents die, you feel like instead of going into every fight with backup, you are going into every fight alone.

Sharing tales of those we’ve lost is how we keep from really losing them.

Going back to something is harder than you think.

Sticking with your family is what makes it a family.

It’s such a shame to waste time. We always think we have so much of it.

You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart.

You have to care as much about yourself on the way down as you did on the way up.

Secrets tear you apart.

The more you defend a lie, the angrier you become.

When you’re rotten about yourself, you become rotten to everyone else, even those you love.

Life goes quickly, doesn’t it?

The truth is, there is no line. There’s only your life, how you mess it up, and who is there to save you or who isn’t.

All that happens when your dream come true is a slow, melting realization that it wasn’t what you thought and it won’t save you.

The Good Read:               Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Photo from the web

Yes, you are right! This book is really familiar because it is a hit and it is now a major motion picture (2010). I know all of you guys know that this book was about finding one’s happiness, surviving the loneliness and understanding things that came after a certain relationship (or life, in general) turmoil.

I, myself, came from countless of it too; and like many of you, I have experienced loneliness and the deepest of it in all possible ways it can be felt. It was indeed hard and finding happiness is kind of subtle but one thing I have learned was – happiness is a choice and though there are times you want to surrender and give up everything because it is just too heavy, there will always a part of you wanting to survive. Simply because you want to experience that certain happiness again and you want to see the bright side.

There are no permanent things in this world. All good things come to an end, so does bad things. It will be tougher, to the extent you don’t have anything to give anymore. To the extent that you feel that it is always bound to end and that you are no better. You are always stronger than you think you are. It is not everytime that you will find yourself inside your room or your apartment figuring things out – how it ended, how it will be from this day on and how you will find happiness again. We all know the answers to all our questions, well, sometimes. We just don’t want to acknowledge it. We are too afraid to know that we had a fair share of b*llsh*t. We are too scared to acknowledge that we had our own mistakes. We are too conscious to even forgive ourselves.

Living alone – away from family, being a busybee and not in any committed relationship, made me realize that I can manage to be who I want to be; indulging my own flaws, accepting my shortcomings and forgiving myself for those. Safe to say, I’m done figuring why things didn’t work out for me. I stopped worrying. I stopped questioning. Instead, I’m at the point where I want my life to offer me what it has to offer and see how it will go if I work hard on things I want to happen.

I’m not afraid to be anywhere. I let go all of the attachments that kept on bothering me and preventing me to be where I want or what person who I want to be. I have a strong support system (my family and friends) and I guess, it will work out just fine. Things happened because they are bound to happen and I always believe that no matter how painful things might be, there’s always a reason why I ever felt that way; why it happened; why I can survive and why I really should, for all I could.

Then, later on, you would definitely know and realize, you are now ready (again) to whatever and whoever.

Here are some of the quotations and lessons from the book that helped me all throughout:

Travel is worth any cost or sacrifice.

That’s the thing about a human life – there’s no control group, no way to ever know how any of us would have turned out if any variables had been changed.

Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.

So be lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map out of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

 Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots.

It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.

You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.

The mind is restless, turbulent, strong, and unyielding. I consider it as difficult to subdue as the wind.

 “You are after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”

The other problem with all this swinging through the vines of thought is that you are never where you are. You are always digging in the past or poking at the future, but rarely do your best at the moment.

In the present is the only place to find Him, and now is the only time.

That’s just your ego, trying to make sure it stays in charge. This is what your ego does: It keeps you feeling separate, keeps you with a sense of duality, tries to convince you that you’re flawed and broken and alone instead of whole.

Meditate on whatever causes a revolution in your mind.

There are only two questions that human beings ever fought over, all through history: How much do you love me? and Who’s in charge?

If something is rubbing so hard against you, you can be sure it’s working on you.

“The world is afflicted with death and decay, therefore the wise do not grieve, knowing the terms of the world.” In other words: GET USED TO IT.

If I could sit through this nonlethal physical discomfort, then what other discomforts might I someday be able to sit through?

You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you’re gonna wear everyday.

The rules of transcendence insists that you will not advance even one inch closer to divinity as long as you cling to even one last seductive thread of blame.

 God dwells within you. As you.

 Your treasure – your perfection – is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the busy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.

You can still live there. You can still live on that shimmering line between your old thinking and your new understanding, always in state of learning.

Stop looking for answers in the world. Just keep coming back to that center and you’ll always find peace.

Organize how things go, in order to keep things from falling apart.

The hardest part of your life is behind you now.

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it.

We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.

To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.