It’s a riot whenever I think that I have not lost only one Luis in my life, but two. Aside from sharing the same first name, and surname that, both share the same sting. They also share the same cemetery. I, on the other hand, hold a shared pain.

I often wonder what conversations would be like now that I have gained more exposure to the world. I always like to tell my side of stories and haggle about what burgers taste good and in what restaurant or burger joint holds the best. I wonder what we will be doing now and what day in February you’d tell me that I needed to visit because you would have a celebration. I always wait every time, wish it could come sooner, but now I know it would not. It is sad to admit that invites from you will never come again but knowing that you are in a better place now is my consolation.

Maybe people would notice that I am always writing about grief. There is some truth to that. I cannot tell this side of the story verbally and face-to-face with someone because it will tear me up, so I resort to writing thinking that perhaps, it will ease some of my heavy load from that loss. It does.

How’s everything there in heaven, Kuya Denz? Do they have lechon there for your birthday? I have not seen you much in my dreams lately. Are you having fun where you are? You know, whenever I meet someone new, especially someone known or famous, I grab my phone and start to text you, but I remember I can’t, because no one will receive my texts anymore.

This should be a celebratory because it is, by far, your birthday; albeit not here on Earth, but somewhere better, I suppose. I have new jokes now, I have innovated them; I wanted to tell you, but maybe in dreams, or through the wind, or whispers hoping you could hear them.

In the past, I always wished you good health and a long life, so we could eat more burgers. To tell you honestly, I no longer know what to wish for you. I have more favors I need from you or wishes for myself that maybe you can grant (e.g., guide me, give me a funny thing to remember so I’d not be anxious, Lotto number combinations, etc.).

I always think of you whenever I witness beautiful things, new places, and new people. I wish you were here to see all of them or even just hear about them. Life’s boring without you in it. That’s the truth.

Is Papa there with you? Maybe you guys are having fun. I really do not have any idea, but thinking about that could be comforting. I wish I could see you in my dreams again with your oversized blue shirt. Happy birthday, Kuya Denz! I hope you are having a great time up there.