Where to

“Those are tidy shelves,” I so thought to myself. I was walking inside a thrift book shop to find inspiration for, maybe, what I want to do next about my life.

I must say, browsing books there quite gave me a sign of direction; or so, I believe.

I am still at a loss of life. The majority of it is still about my degree(s) – there is always a compelling art to what should or could come next after the other. They say it is not what you achieve, but what you overcome. I am pleased that if I repeat it to myself, I will become at ease.

Browsing through books, some titles sparked ideas and ideals for me. Sustainability, Education Administration, Social Entrepreneur, Career, to name a few. Maybe those words were hints from the universe of where I should put my efforts and attention to.

When I was in my early 20s, I’d like to believe that I will get answers when I turn a little older. I hit 25, and I did not get answers. I am on my way through the big 3-0, and certainly, I still got no responses. Only bigger questions, more confusing, more challenging, and indeed, excruciating at times.

My thoughts linger to me and scratching my temples, wanting some attention. One, I still battle for sustainability. It is and will always be a big fight. Social entrepreneurship is not a walk in the park. It maybe has more challenges. I am yet to be more surprised.

Two, I just got back in the academe and maybe it is where I truly belong. I have been everywhere, and nothing worked except those things I do because of passion and personal advocacy. Academe, for me, was rewarding, at least it was how I expected it to be.

Third, I felt like I am overhauling my career. It does not feel like I’m in the middle. It feels like I’m beginning all over again. You know what some people say about beginnings… it’s always the hardest.

While I was reading Michelle Obama’s recently launched book, Becoming. It dawned on me that I am no different. Obama’s pitfalls and challenges about her career mirror mine, too. Like her, maybe I can surpass it as well. If you ask me when, well, I do not know. But I cannot wait.

Books were today’s sanctuary. They do not talk nor listen, but they have a voice to convince you about where you should be heading next. Stories get to us even at the most inconvenient time. Thus, these stories are gates to better chapters ahead of us.

What I was saying maybe is that it is okay to doubt yourself sometimes. Perhaps you need that to take a step back and view your life from a bird’s eye view. Maybe you need ten steps back to see how’s your 20 steps forward will be.

Waiting is also part of the entire process. Go get yourself a hobby.
This way, you would not notice the time, and you can have your hope refilled.

Author: shainnehostalero

Shainne Hostalero, MDC is a social entrepreneur (owner and founder of Happy Shift PH), a communication scholar, and a writer.

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