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I was a month post-partum when I first binge-watch Friends, though not my first time watching it then. I usually see some of its episodes on cable TV, but not on the sequence as it usually airs depending on the network.
Since that month after I gave birth, I am not sure anymore how many times I have seen that TV series that saved me in more ways possible. It did save me from myself, too, no matter how others might see Friends — for a time, it was all I could do, and I would not have done it any other way, anyway.
It shattered me to pieces to know that Matthew Perry has passed. Like what he has said in his memoir (which I pre-ordered when the word first got out) when he dies everyone will be shocked but no one will be surprised. His life, I imagined, while full of fame and money, has not been easy. In a way, I can resonate, and in a way, I am with him, even in spirit.
Matthew Perry, famously known as Chandler Bing in Friends, brought me so much laughter and reflection. Like him in the series, I was awkward, too; and like in real life, I have some sort of insecurities as well. He gave me so much to lean on as a human being and as a mother. He then, was part of my daily life, as I binge-watch the series and ensure I finish episodes no matter how much I memorize or am familiar with their next lines. It was a rest for me, it was a recreation, too.
You see, we have lost so many people in our lives, and we might wonder to whom we feel sad. Maybe it was a sadness and grief that has always been quietly staying there and coming out whenever something like this happens. But, while it was a discourse in my head, I know that part of me has dented with Matthew Perry. There was a memory given to me about the things I felt then and how I survived them that also died and went with him as he took on the next leg of his journey. I cannot put a word to it, really, but it was something sad and hollow, but evolved into something vibrant and happy, knowing that there will be no more pain — only relief that this is all over for him.
Goodbye, Bing-a-ling. Hope you’re better there than you were here.
Shainne Hostalero 